I was looking forward to seeing Rob Zombie’s version of Halloween. I even wrote a post about how excited I was. I thought Rob Zombie was good enough to take on a classic slasher flick and do it justice. Boy was I wrong.
The movie starts off bad, and gets worse.
- The first 24 minutes sucked. It’s useless background on a horrible home life that turned Michael Myers into a psycho. (More on that later.)
- Then you get about 2 and a half minutes of what should have been the opening.
- Then you get 10 minutes of crap in Smith’s Grove that should’ve been 4 minutes tops. It was pretty, but it was still crap.
Basically, the first half hour or so should never have made it into the movie at all.
Ok, lets talk about the childhood gone bad. That’s garbage. It ruins the entire character of Michael Myers and completely undermines the film. Michael Myers isn’t scary because he kills people, he’s scary because of why he kills people. Hell, the news is full of murderers who had something horrible in their past that turned them into psychos. Michael Myers was scary because there was nothing to make him that way. He was just evil. A soulless monster who was born to kill.
To quote Dr. Loomis from the first movie…
I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes… the devil’s eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply… evil.
That explains how Mikey got screwed up. How did that screw up the rest of the movie? Because when the poor kid finally does go nuts and takes a knife to the familial bonds you want those people to die. They deserved it. You almost wish that they’d suffered more.
Once things started to resemble the movie that should have been made I got a bad, bad feelin’ that I knew what was going to happen. It made perfect sense. How do you mirror the crappy first half hour and give the movie symmetry? You screw up the basic premise. Michael isn’t there to kill Lori Strode at all. What? WHAT!?!
If this had been any other movie I probably would have enjoyed it. Only one problem with that. It’s not any other movie. It’s freakin’ Halloween. I really expected Rob Zombie to do right by this movie. I thought he might be the only one who could make a movie that lived up to the iconic original. I was wrong. He couldn’t. Well, maybe he could, but he didn’t.
Way to go Rob. You killed Halloween.
The Good Parts
There are some good things about this movie. The actors, almost, all did a great job. Daeg Faerch was great as young Micheal and Tyler Mane was pretty darn good as older Michael.
You might remember Danielle Harris from Halloween 4 and 5. She played Jaime, Michael’s niece. She returns to Haddonfield as Annie Brackett, the sheriff’s daughter. It was nice to see a solid on screen connection to the previous movies. She does a great job with her part. She has the most intense encounter with Michael of the entire film.
Malcolm McDowell did a good job, as always, but he had some big shoes to fill. Donald Pleasence is Dr. Loomis to me, and always will be. That’s like asking Simon Pegg to play Mr Scott in Star Trek…oh, wait.
Since I rented the 2 disc Special Edition I expected to get some great features. There’s some good stuff there if you enjoy making-of documentaries and I love ‘em.
The best of the extras has to be the bloopers. Take a look at this clip of Tyler Mane having fun on the set.
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This is a rental, and that’s mostly for the special features disc. If you’re going to buy a Halloween movie, buy John Carpenter’s Halloween.
The only people I’d recommend buying this are Rob Zombie fans who have to buy everything. If that isn’t you, then don’t bother.