The three secrets to getting rid of your unprofitable free time.
June 29th, 2007 by 2xKnight
Do you have free time on your hands? Do you spend virtually minutes of your day doing nothing? Ever said to yourself “I wish there was a way to fill every second of my day, but it’s hopeless!” Well I’m here to tell you that it’s not hopeless. There is a way to make sure you never have another spare minute, ever again! What is this wonderful secret?
Read on to find out!
Blogging!
Photo by Mario Sánchez Bueno.
It’s true, blogging can take you from a lazy slob sitting at home wasting away precious seconds of your life to a profitable Internet Celebrity with absolutely no free time. With a blog and the right monetization methods you can be raking in literally pennies a month. Yes, pennies! In a years time you could be chewing gum, gum paid for by your blog. You can do it, but to savor that sweet success you have to act now!
These ancient secrets were handed down to me by Himalayan monks in the equatorial tropics of Sealand. Never before has anyone revealed these mysteries, until now!
- Choosing your niche. Why choose a niche? Because if even 1 other person is writing about the same subject, you lose money! Every successful blogger knows that. Why do you think there are so many blogs about things you’ve never heard of? Because to be successful you have to be specific! Here’s the secret. You have to choose a niche so specific only you will be interested in it. It’s that simple.
- Setting up your blog. What formatting will make you a success in the blogosphere? This is one of the most important questions you have to ask yourself when setting up your blog. Do you know the answer? No, you don’t, but I’m going to tell you. A reasonable person would think that making your blog easy to read and intuitive to navigate would help the blog to grow. Wrong! Reason has no place in the blogoshpere. Blogs make money by making an impression, to make an impression you need a site that’s innovative. True innovation means no one has seen anything like it before, so it can’t be intuitive or familiar in any way. How will you innovate? Here’s the secret. Use a theme that’s so difficult to navigate and hard to read people will never forget your site. This will also help with the next secret.
- Making Money. You have a blog that even you find only marginally interesting, but that’s OK because it’s unreadable. You’re almost there! How can you turn it into a gravy train with biscuit wheels? Advertising! That’s obvious, the secret is in ad placement. Put ads everywhere! If you can see your blog’s background image, you don’t have enough ads! Banners, boxes and text links, use them all. Offer to write posts for cash! Do everything you can to debase, humiliate and sell yourself, it’s what the Internet is for! How will all these ads work? Here’s the secret. People will look for any escape when confronted by your blog, even ads! They’ll gladly click on them just to get away!
You’ll never have to worry about free time ever again. You won’t have any! You’ll be so busy performing daily search engine optimization, studying keyword density, and obsessively checking your blog stats that you’ll barely have time to write posts for your new blog.
With these three secrets you’re sure to become an Internet success!
: Blogging, Internet, Celebrity, monetization, success, ancient secrets, Sealand, niche, successful blogger, blogosphere, theme, Making Money, Advertising, ad placement, Banners, text links, posts for cash, search engine optimization, keyword density, blog stats, Internet success, humor, parody, satire 
MWA HA HA! Too funny!
I’m glad you enjoyed it Randi. I hope you use those secrets wisely.
OK, that was funny. Thanks for the smile. You forgot the time spent submitting every worthless post to every social bookmarking site until you’ve been banned on all of them.
And dropping your link in so many comment boxes that you single handedly are responsible for the fact that Blogger is considered spam by so many people.
Dana, that’s going to be a follow up article in my 8,008 part series on Life And Marketing Efficiency, or as I like to call it L.A.M.E.
I just started blogging this week and I see my time filling up as you detail. Nice funny story. thanks.
You mean I too could be chewing blog funded gum in a matter of months?!?
Other Dana, yes you can. If you follow these three secrets you can afford gum in only a few short months!
[...] presents The three secrets to getting rid of your unprofitable free time. posted at FanaticSpace.com Blog, saying, “This is a humor post. It parodies some of the money [...]
I cannot chew gum and blog AT THE SAME TIME…will that be a problem?
Not at all! That means you have a very special quality that most bloggers don’t. Focus.
Harness your ability to focus and you can do anything. I predict that in just 2 years you can earn enough from your blog to buy a small coffee. Yes, coffee!
I agree with you…
Blogging make me from lazy man for being a hard working.. Not only about posting blog but also hard work to find traffic.. A little bit tired..
[...] The Three Secrets to Getting Rid of Your Unprofitable Free Time by 2xKnight at FanaticSpace.com. [...]
Yes it`s true, blogging can be a profitable business. And let me tell you an old saying about free time:
“Guard well your spare moments, they are like uncut diamonds.”