OK, I promise. This will (almost probably) be the last mention I make of Joss Whedon’s Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog until next week. It’s just that stuff keeps happening and I’m so excited about it. Plus, we want to get the word out so that more and more people know. But, honestly, I do have other Whedony stuff to talk about. Really, I do.

Anyway, Dark Horse Comics has posted an eight-page graphic novel on their MySpace, entitled “Captain Hammer: Be Like Me! (Nemises of Dr. Horrible!),” written by Zach Whedon and and drawn by Eric Canete. Check it out here. Exciting, yes??

It’s like a little precurser to what we’ll be seeing next week. And, I for one, am just super excited. Have I said that before? Cause I really am.

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What I Thought

I got the impression that the book was going to be taking a look at comic fandom and the role that comics play in our lives. Possibly a look at comics as a replacement for the stories, myths and legends our ancestors clung to. Stories of inspiration, hope and even tragedy. I don’t know how I could have been more wrong.

What I Found

The book reads like a conspiracy theorist playing ‘Six Degrees of Alister Crowley”. Anyone of any notability in the comic industry was portrayed as some kind of 12th level inner circle skull and bones of the order of the knights Templar magician, or at least in training for that post. No wonder it’s so hard to break into the business, you have to become some sort of esoteric dark master to be an intern. To back up such imaginative synchronicity a large portion of the book deals not with comics, but with mystics, charlatans and secret societies of days gone by… way, way by.

All of that going on and there are still parts of the book that drag. Go figure.

Parts of the book do deal with comics and how they fit certain heroic types of old. There’s even a breakdown of what the types are, and which comic book characters fit into each type. If there were more if this in the book I don’t think I would have been as disappointed.

One thing about the book did not disappoint me, the illustrations. Beautiful line drawings that combine points in the book with comic book archetypes are generously scattered throughout. It’s not much of a surprise that the illustrations are so good, the illustrator is Joseph Michael Linsner. 

Verdict

You might enjoy this book if you’d prefer to learn more about Alister Crowley than Stan Lee. For the comic book fans, I’d recommend getting The Comic Book Makers by Joe Simon instead.

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Bob Asprin as Hakiem autographs a Fan’s playbill

My Personal Wake for

Robert Lynn Asprin

So if you’re looking for biographical info on Bob Asprin, this ain’t the place to find it. You can find that info here and here .

This is for me. This is for Bob. I’m not likely to be there for his French Quarter funeral procession, or anything else more formal.

Robert Lynn Asprin (June 28, 1946 – May 22, 2008) was my friend for more than a quarter of a century. I met Bob in 1979 at a little, now defunct science fiction convention in Virginia Beach, called Sci-Con. My friend, Dinah, and I were standing in line, waiting for a programming room to open.Back then, World Con was the biggest science fiction convention around and Sci-Con was a friendly little convention that was a lot of fun.

There was a really obnoxious guy standing in line behind us, talking loudly with a younger guy who was asking him the words to an Irish folk tune. The obnoxious man stumbled on the words, and then frakked them all up as he smugly sang them back to his line companion. I don’t know what possessed me to turn around and engage them.I was not particularly outgoing in those days…though I wouldn’t say shy. Maybe it was because we were standing in line for so long…maybe I was bored. Maybe he was just getting on my nerves! I interrupted their conversation, loudly sang the correct words in the correct order back at both of them and turned around. Needless to say, the obnoxious guy was Bob Asprin. He tapped me on the shoulder and, irritated, asked me more or less who the hell I was… And that was the beginning of a 29-year friendship.

This was before his halcyon writing days, his semi-famous near-legendary rise to fame with Lynn Abbey and the Thieves World series. It was after the days of Yang the Nauseating in the SCA. He was a medium-sized fish in a smallish pond. “Fingers” Asprin dragged me into my 29-year love-hate affair with filking as well. Dorsai style versions of “ay yi, yi yi, your mother swims after troop ships” and too many others to recount. Add Bob Zentz and Robin Welch to the mix with Bob, and our melodious (cough cough) horizons haphazardly expanded and ebbed, depending on the time of night and the quantity of spirits.

Even then, Bob held court in hotel bars. When the local convention committee asked two of us to get Bob to the airport after a convention was over, we thought they were exaggerating about it being a difficult task that required dedicated people assigned to it. Not so. A group of young men sat figuratively (and some literally) at his feet, drinking in the stories and jokes with which Bob regaled them, raptly traveling with him up the vaudevillian scale to the absurd and hovering there…traveling down into the shanachie depths, and back up a bardic path…a disorienting ride of a routine. Neither audience nor narrator was willing to move back down into the mundane and go home. We had to physically drag him away from his audience and race to the airport. It should go without saying that he missed his plane and had to wait for the next in the airport bar, where he happened to run into a few departing fans. (ba-dah-boom, cymbals crash) We left him there, and apparently he eventually departed the airport.

Linda Stage Manages Tempus

Then came Thieves World. The Myth Adventures series became wildly popular. Bob’s fan base grew exponentially and became more adoring. To know him was to love him or hate him. There weren’t many in the middle realm, and some occupied both territories at different times. I was writing a lot of music, performing a bit more than routine filking, and through a series of coincidences and an offer of underwriting by a new convention committee chairman, my Thieves World original filks morphed into a slightly more propped “Our Town” style musical, based on the first three Thieves World books. Permissions weren’t hard to get, and if I recall correctly, our material simply claimed copyright to anything not covered by all the many and various Thieves World copyrights.

Bob Zentz as Cappen Vara

Bob Asprin was our narrator, Hakiem, and we opened at the historic (antiquated) Chamberlin Hotel at Old Point Comfort. The Chamberlin had a real stage and terrible electrical problems. When we had to use the spotlight, it blew the breakers every minute or so and plunged the entire theater into darkness. Still, the production was good and bad in semi-equal parts, and fraught with all the usual amateur theatre difficulties.

Seeing Bob perform my script as Hakiem, and adding his own additional material seamlessly into the narrative, is happily etched into my brain. I fully intend to bore my grandkids with that tale if I am around long enough to do so.

Myrtis & illyra listen

As Writer/Director, I wound up portraying Illyra, because no one else in our community could reach the notes of her song. I nearly missed my own cue as I was running around backstage. I belatedly discovered that Lynn Abbey had a lovely singing voice, and had I approached her, might have considered doing Illyra (thanks, Bob old friend! I still owe you for that one!). Nevertheless, Lynn was gracious about the production. In fact, was there ever anyone as publicly gracious about her exasperating husband? I can’t think of anyone.

Like some others, mirror friend or foe, I have many more Bob stories. I’m not ready to share them yet…and some probably don’t need to be committed to the cyber world. It wasn’t always easy being one of Bob’s friends, but it was never boring. He was capable of great kindness to others. Certainly he was always that way to my kids and me (though not always so to my prospective beaus…he was like a proverbial Dutch uncle). Yet he was a notorious womanizer as well. I recall a close male friend of his delicately referring to Bob’s many companions as “decorations”. Bob was not always kind to them, carelessly dismissing them at the drop of a hat, or the sound of a “one string Japanese guitar” and off-key voices. I know he often regretted that behavior, and in later years avoided it.

Over the last 29 years, we commiserated over failed marriages, disastrous relationships, and the various exigencies of life in general. Sometimes we didn’t see each other for a couple of years, with only sporadic contact of any sort. But it was one of those friendships where it took only a few minutes to be pals again. He had that gift. Perhaps it was because we could be brutally honest with each other. I recall one such conversation. Me: “I’m not surprised. If I’d been her, I would have kicked your ass out a long time ago. I’m amazed she put up with your crap as long as she did.” His woundedness lasted all of a couple of minutes, and then we had a mock argument wherein I parried his every excuse with an incident worthy of his expulsion from the relationship. We even had a discussion about marriage (as in the two of us) that ended in mutual hilarity. Then we had a toast, “Up the long ladder and down the short rope, to hell with King Billy…”

Rascal, rapscallion, master storyteller, sad sack full of fecal material, you were always my friend. I will miss you, Bob. Damn you for leaving without saying goodbye…isn’t that just like you?

So let’s all raise a virtual (or real) glass of Tullamore Dew (Jameson’s will do if you must) and let me hear you sing, “Ay, yi, yi, yi, your mother swims after troop ships.”

(Shiny1 is sometimes known as Patricia deVarennes, and was known as Patricia Ross in the olde times of this narrative)

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I’m not a sports fan. That’s why I didn’t bother to watch the Super Bowl. I knew that I could see the cool commercials today. I kinda wish I’d watched it after seeing a couple of ‘em. Here are the ones I liked.

Iron Man

Iron Man – Paramount Pictures

I’m starting to change my mind about the Iron Man movie. I looks like it might actually be good. If he spends more time in the suit than he does as Tony Stark it could be great.

Leatherheads

Leatherheads – Universal Pictures

Looks like George Clooney is finally getting back to what he does best, comedy. Not just that, but period comedy like the best movie he ever made O Brother, Where Art Thou?.

Guess who else is going back to comedy after making some depressing crap…

You Don’t Mess With the Zohan

You Don’t Mess With the Zohan – Sony Pictures

Adam Sandler! Woooo! Goofy characters with weird accents. This could be the character he was born to play, or it could be crap. You can never tell with an Adam Sandler movie.

Oh, and speaking of movies you can’t tell about…

Jumper

Jumper – 20th Century Fox

Looks like they took Nightcrawler, from the X-Men, and made him less blue and fuzzy. Probably a lot less interesting too.

Other Commercials

If you want to see the rest of the commercials, including a couple more movies that look kinda crappy, then head over to the 2008 Commercial Bowl powered by Spike and iFilm.

: Super Bowl Commercials, Movies, Iron Man, Leatherheads, You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, Jumper, Video, George Clooney, Adam Sandler

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I’m interested in pretty much everything about comics, especially the old school stuff. When I got a copy of The Comic Book Makers for Christmas I was pretty excited. It gives you a glimpse behind the scenes of the early days of comic books. It’s written by Joe Simon, the creator of Captain America and writer/artist/editor for some true classics, along with co-writer Jim Simon.

You Had To Be There

 The early days of the comic book industry was filled with drama. If you think the stories in the comic books were wild, you should hear what the people making them got up to. There’s plenty of stories that will shock and amaze you.

 This book was written by someone who was there for a few amazing stories himself. So you get to know the story from the inside. Even if you’re familiar with some of these, like I was, reading a first hand account of them puts things in a whole new light.

Covering All The Bases

The Comic Book Makers is filled with pictures and art. Covers from a wide range of comics, personal photos and even original character sketches of classic heroes.

 I expected a few pictures. This book is filled with ‘em. First appearances of different characters, iconic images as well as books and characters that never quite made it big.

 Seriously, I would have loved this as a comic art book, but it has more than that. There are pieces of non-comic art by Joe Simon and others. You get to see how truly talented these guys are.

 On top of all that there are pictures of some of the legends of comics. The creators themselves hard at work making the magic come to life. Jack Kirby, Stan Lee and of course Joe Simon.

Verdict

If you’re a fan of comics you need to check out this book. Not only will it give you insight into what it takes to make comics, it’s darn entertaining. Much like the comic books discussed in this book, it’s filled with the unexpected.

I loved reading this book. I highly recommend it.

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The second season of Heroes got off to a slow start. Not that it didn’t have great moments, but it slammed the breaks on last season. Once it got going it was awesome.

What follows is a status report on the Heroes and a summary of what happened.

The Dead

• Kaito Nakamura


Targeted for death by Adam Monroe, Kaito Nakamura was killed while waiting with Ando for Hiro to return from the past. He fell from the roof of the Deveaux building with an unknown assailant. When Hiro returned he tried to save him. Kaito taught Hiro one final lesson. Though they may have extraordinary abilities, they are not gods. Hiro watched while his father died and found out who killed Kaito. It was Adam Monroe, the man Hiro knew as Kensei.




• D.L. Hawkins


D.L. survived the end of the first season, but died before the second season started. In a flashback we learn what happened to D.L. and his family. D.L. became a fireman and, using his phasing powers, saved a little girl from a fire. He was awarded a medal for being a hero.

Unfortunately, Nikki had more than Jessica running around in her head. The appearance of a new personality is what ultimately killed D.L. Hawkins. D.L. went to a nightclub to retrieve his wife and her new persona, only to be shot. He was shot at point blank range, giving him no time to use his ability.


• Alejandro Herrera


Alejandro Herrera was killed by Sylar. When Alejandro confronted Sylar and tried to make him leave his sister Maya alone, Sylar killed him. Sylar then told Maya that Alejandro had left, since she could now control her powers.

Maya later learned that her brother was dead when Molly tried to locate him. She couldn’t find him, which could only mean he was no longer alive.



• Candice Wilmer

Pictures of Candice mean nothing, because she can look like anyone she wants to. She’s the company agent who held Micha hostage for Linderman. She also held Sylar at the beginning of season 2. Sylar killed Candice Wilmer.

When season 2 started Sylar was held prisoner by the company. He killed her and tried to absorb her powers, only to find out that his powers were gone. He then escaped and eventually ran into Maya and Alejandro Herrera.

The Maybe Dead

• Niki Sanders


After D.L. died, Nikki left Micha with D.L.’s relatives in New Orleans. She then put herself in the care of the Company believing that they could cure her of her powers.

While she was there Matt’s father Maury came to kill Bob Bishop. Bob had been marked for death just like Kaito Nakamura and Angela Petrelli. Matt stopped him using his growing mental powers, but not before Maury could get inside Nikki’s head. Nikki injected herself with the Shanti virus to stop herself from using her powers.

In the last episode Nikki saved Micha’s cousin from a burning building. Without her powers she couldn’t save herself before the building exploded. Maybe….


• Nathan Petrelli


Nathan Petrelli finally tracked down his brother Peter in the very last episode. After the most dangerous strain of the Shanti virus was destroyed by Peter’s nuclear powers Nathan decided to go public. He called a press conference and asked Matt to make people believe him. Before he could make his announcement he was shot twice in the chest.

Season 2 Wrap Up and Theories

A lot of stuff happened during season 2 of Heroes. That gives us a lot to think about and a lot of theories. Here are a couple of things I think we’ll find out.


The Dead Shall Rise

There’s a reason that I put Nathan and Nikki in a separate list. I don’t think they’re dead. We didn’t see either one of them die. What we did see is a building explode while Nikki might have been in it and we saw Nathan shot and collapse. We don’t know that either one of them died. Even the commercials promoting the last episode didn’t say anyone would die. The promo said 2 Heroes “will fall”. I think they’ll be back next season.

I think the makers of this show shot themselves in the foot by bringing back the dead this season. After all the deaths that got reversed in season 2, even if it was short lived, killing a character just doesn’t have the same impact. We can’t really believe that anyone on this show is dead until we see the body or have some other proof.

Claire Isn’t Nathan’s Child

West is Nathan’s son. They both fly and the kid looks like the Petrelli brothers. Though his attitude and personality seems to be more like Peter’s. We’ve also seen that types of abilities can be passed down. Matt’s powers are the same as his father’s. I’ll bet we find out West is adopted next season.

I believe Claire is related to Adam Monroe.

I believe the company pulled a switch when Claire was born to cover her real ancestry. I believe Claire is related to Adam Monroe. I don’t know if he’s her father, or grandfather or great great grandfather, but I’m sure he’s in her family line somewhere.

Why would they do that?

Because they wanted to keep close tabs on her. They would also want to cover their tracks. This way they could claim they were doing all this because she was Nathan’s daughter and Angela’s grandchild. Even Noah Bennet, the agent charged with watching and raising her, wouldn’t know about her real family history. The company likes it’s secrets.

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You might remember my predictions about Heroes from a previous post I made. If not, here are the basics.

My predictions about Hiro.

My biggest theory has been both confirmed and busted. After seeing the end of last season I believed that Hiro would become Takezo Kensei. With his powers and his knowledge of the great samurai’s adventures it would be easy for him to do. Not to mention the fact the Future Hiro was scary good with a sword. That kind of expertise can only come from practice in battle. It would also explain the connection that Hiro seems to have with the sword and the Takezo Kensei legends.

My predictions about the man who calls himself Takezo Kensei.

If the gaijin decides to abandon the role of Kensei I believe he will become a villain. With his healing abilities he may be nearly immortal. It’s possible that he will live long enough to play a major role in the modern day struggle. He may even be the main villain. We haven’t really met the man that scares Molly so much, maybe it’s the man we know as Kensei.

I was right. Well, mostly. It turns out that Matt Parkman’s dad Maury is the Nightmare Man. He has the same mental abilities that Matt does, they’re just more developed. He was part of the Group of Twelve, just like Linderman, Kaito Nakamura and the Petrellis. There was someone else though. The man in charge. The man behind the recent murders of the older Heroes.

The gaijin known as Kensei.

It seems Kensei, now calling himself Adam Monroe, is the one who brought the old Heroes together. He was the one who convinced them to use their powers. He was also the one who eventually corrupted them and turned them. Linderman’s plans to “save” the world came from Adam. Linderman was only following in his footsteps.

Hiro is Kensei

Hiro is Takezo Kensei and Adam Monroe is the main villain.

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I waited until I saw the second episode to write this. Why? Because I still had a couple of questions from last season I was hoping to have answered. The second episode confirmed a couple of things for me and raised more questions. It may have also screwed up one of my favorite theories.

If you haven’t seen the first 2 episodes of Heroes season 2, there are spoilers ahead. You have been warned.

I’ll focus on the people who are still in the show. If you want to know what happened to the actors who played characters that got killed off, check out Dead But Not Forgotten on Watching Heroes.

Update: Now that the second season, volume 2, of Heroes is over you can find more info and theories in my post “Heroes Season 2 Recap and Theories, End of Volume 2“.

Where are they now?

Mr. Bennet and Claire

• The Bennet family.
  After getting away from the secret agency that Mr. Bennet worked for at the end of last season the Bennet family are hiding. They’ve taken up residence in Costa Verde where Claire goes to high school and Mr. Bennet works at a copy store. The family are trying to act normal and keep a low profile. This is difficult for everyone. Claire is driven to find out more about her abilities. Mr. Bennet is unused to a normal job, he assaults and threatens his manager. Poor Mr. Muggles misses the limelight of his days as a star in the dog shows.







Nathan and Angela Petrelli.

• Nathan Petrelli.
  After surviving the blast that killed his brother, or so he seems to believe, Nathan has fallen on hard times. He’s given up on his political aspirations and become a drunk. He broods over the fate of his brother and seems to regret the part he played in his mother’s schemes. He appears to have survived the nuclear blast without a scar, though he will occasionally see a disfigured reflection of himself.






Kaito Nakamura and Ando.

• Kaito Nakamura and Ando.
  Mr. Nakamura remained in New York city to await the return of his son Hiro. Mr. Nakamura has finally realized how wrong he was about Hiro and will not abandon him. Ando remains loyal to Hiro and awaits his return with Hiro’s father. Unfortunately, someone from Mr. Nakamura’s past has marked him for death. When he receives the warning he’s going to be killed he tries to send Ando away for his own safety. Ever loyal Ando will not leave, but he does go to find Mr. Nakamura a sword to defend himself with. When he returns he witnesses Mr. Nakamura struggling with an attacker before they fall off the roof of the building from season 1. Mr. Nakamura’s body is alone on the street, with his assailant nowhere to be found.






Matt and Molly.

• Matt Parkman and Molly Walker.
  Matt has adopted Molly Walker, the little girl with the ability to locate people. They now live in New York City where Matt has finally made Detective. All is not well however, Molly is having nightmares. The nightmares seem to be about someone very dangerous. Most likely the nightmare man is this season’s villain. Matt’s first call as Detective Parkman is to investigate the death of Kaito Nakamura. Ando seems to recognize him from the future where Matt was a government agent assigned to track down people with super abilities. Matt also questions Angela Petrelli about Mr. Nakamura’s death. During the questioning she realizes that Matt is reading her thoughts, and mentally screams at him to get out of her mind.






Mohinder and Midas.

• Mohinder Suresh.
  Mohinder is attempting to raise funds to research the virus that affects the people with super abilities. After one of his lectures he is approached by a man who would like Mohinder to work with his company. it is apparently the company that Mr. Bennet worked for. When Mohinder explains how costly the research would be the agent picks up a spoon which turns to gold and tells him that isn’t a problem. Mohinder agrees to work for them. Afterwards he calls Mr. Bennet and informs him that he’s infiltrated The Company. His first assignment from the company is to go to Port Au Prince and cure the Haitian who now has the virus. Mohinder does so, but after the Haitian is cured he uses his memory wipe ability to escape.




• Angela Petrelli.
  Momma Petrelli received the same warning as Papa Nakamura. They’re were both marked for death. After being questioned about Mr. Nakamura’s death, she is attacked in the police interrogation room. She barely escapes thanks to Detective Parkman and the other officers who rush to her aid.






Hiro and Takezo Kensei.

• Hiro Nakamura.
  Hiro finds himself in Fuedal Japan. When he saves a lone Samurai he believes to be Takezo Kensei he disrupts history. When he meets the real Takezo Kensei he is shocked to find out his childhood hero is a gaijin, a foreigner. His hero is an Englishman who has taken the name Takezo Kensei to intimidate his foes. Kensei hires local men to dress as a samurai and ride into battle as a decoy while he kills his opponents from a safe distance using a crossbow. When Hiro tells him of the heroic exploits of Takezo Kensei, the gaijin thinks he’s crazy. With good reason, the town Hiro told him that he’d saved is now burning to the ground. On top of that the sword maker’s daughter he’s supposed to marry has just cursed him out and taken his sword. To put things right Hiro steals Kensei’s armor and uses his abilities to rescue the sword maker’s daughter against impossible odds. He convinces her that he is Kensei. Since his face is hidden by the armor, she believes him. Hiro wins a legendary battle and Takezo Kensei gets the credit, and the admiration of the sword maker’s daughter. The gaijin is then shot with arrows and lies bleeding on the ground. When Hiro removes an arrow Takezo Kensei seems to die. Then the wound closes and Takezo Kensei wakes up.






Peter Petrelli.

• Peter Petrelli.
  Peter is found in a shipping container on the docks in Cork Ireland by a group of criminals who want to steal what is supposed to be in the container. He wakes up with no memory of who he is or what he can do. When they find the container of iPods contains only a handcuffed Peter, wearing the Haitians necklace, they’re understandably upset. They take him and try to beat the information they want out of him. Since he has no memory before they found him things don’t go well. The sister of the man in charge tries a gentler approach to questioning Peter while she cleans his wounds. When she wipes away the blood, she’s surprised to find that Peter has no injuries, it’s as if he was never beaten thanks to Claire’s ability. During this time we find out why the gangsters are so upset. They weren’t after the iPods for their own profit, but as a favor for a much more dangerous man. When she leaves the room Peter uses D.L. Hawkins’ ability to escape from his ropes. Before he can escape the gangster’s sister is assaulted by the thugs of the man who wants the iPods. Peter saves her but injures the mystery man’s son.




• The Haitian.
  After regaining his abilities and escaping from Mohinder, the Haitian returns to America. We see him with Mr. Bennet at the copy shop.

Speculation

My biggest theory has been both confirmed and busted. After seeing the end of last season I believed that Hiro would become Takezo Kensei. With his powers and his knowledge of the great samurai’s adventures it would be easy for him to do. Not to mention the fact the Future Hiro was scary good with a sword. That kind of expertise can only come from practice in battle. It would also explain the connection that Hiro seems to have with the sword and the Takezo Kensei legends.

This theory seemed to be confirmed when we finally meet the “real” Takezo Kensei. He isn’t very heroic. He’s basically a mercenary who uses deception, guile and underhanded trickery to win and get paid. My theory was proven when Hiro disguised himself and won The Battle of Twelve Swords. Wearing Kensei’s armor he used his abilities to disarm and defeat a group of men and rescue the sword maker’s daughter. He then romanced the samurai’s future wife while pretending to be Kensei.

The theory seemed to be busted when we learned that the “real” Kensei had a healing factor very similar to Claire. That means that if Hiro can convince him of the great future before him he may yet live up to the greatness Hiro so admired. He just needs to learn how to use his powers.

As of now, I think it could go either way. Takezo Kensei could become a great hero or he could reject that destiny. If he rejects it I believe Hiro will have no other choice, he will have to take his place. Hiro simply can’t imagine a world without the legendary samurai.

If the gaijin decides to abandon the role of Kensei I believe he will become a villain. With his healing abilities he may be nearly immortal. It’s possible that he will live long enough to play a major role in the modern day struggle. He may even be the main villain. We haven’t really met the man that scares Molly so much, maybe it’s the man we know as Kensei.

Update:

To see the results of my theories, check out this post about Heroes.

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I really need to stop reading RevolutionSF. I’m sure it’s a contributing factor for geeks with high blood pressure. Ah, who am I kidding? That wouldn’t help. It’s not RevSF’s fault, mostly. They’re just reporting the screw ups made in Hollywood.

This is the trailer for the new Iron Man movie.

Abandon all hope, all ye who buy a movie ticket.

Once again the people behind the Iron Man movie have screwed up. You may remember my rant on comic book movie casting. I had very little hope for Iron Man turning out well. The only hope I had was that the scenes in the Iron Man armor would be abundant and awesome. Now I have even less hope.

Why would they make trailers and commercials with stuff that’s not in the movie? That makes no sense. Sure it’ll make people want to see a movie. What happens when they find out it’s a trick? A lot of people will just skip it. Hollywood shoots itself in the foot like this and then wonders why fewer people are going to the movies. To quote Kelly Bundy, “The mind wobbles”.

Here’s a tip for filmmakers.

If you film something for the trailer that turns out to be unbelievably cool, put it in the movie. It’s bad enough when people see a movie and find out all the best parts were in the trailer. When you see a movie and all the best parts are in the trailer, but not the movie that’s even worse. That is what people outside of the movie industry call a “lie”. You might want to look that word up. You probably know it better as “promotion” or “marketing”.

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I’ve tried to avoid comic book movie news. I’m a fan, why would I do that? Simple. I can’t cast the movies myself. There’s nothing I can do to change the minds of casting directors. It’s just better if I try to avoid any news about it. I just can’t seem to stay away though. I have to find out if the right choices are made and I have to prepare myself for the wrong choices.

Much like Newton’s third law of motion which states.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

There is a comic book movie law.

For every good casting choice, there is an equal and opposite bad casting choice.

For every Hugh Jackman cast as Wolverine, you have the opposing Halle Berry cast as Storm. I’m not saying these people are bad actors. They’re just not right for the part they’re cast in.

The most frustrating part is not knowing which side of the line a particular casting choice will fall. Most of the time you can’t tell which choices are inspired and which are just stupid until the movie comes out. Michael Keaton as Batman was inspired. George Clooney as Batman was horrible.

The universe must maintain balance.

There are some choices that are obviously right. Patrick Stewart as Charles Xavier for example. I can still remember the swelling of giddy fanboy bliss when I read that news.

The equal and opposite reaction.

There are choices that are obviously wrong. Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark/Iron Man. I’m still not completely over the crushing depression of that news.

The only way I can console myself when I hear horrible news like that is to tell myself that at least an Iron Man movie is being made. When I hear about Heath Ledger playing The Joker, I focus on the fact that another Batman movie is being made. Bad casting or not, I’m glad more comic books are coming to the big screen.

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