Copyright © 2011 Jason Wigley

This is how Zombie Movies Start

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(Spoiler Warning. Some parts of this post can be considered spoilers. It’s an episode recap after all. — 2xKnight)

The big news in Eureka is not the jazzed up song and dance sendup of Mister Rogers Neighborhood theme,
it’s Eva Thorne.  She flies in on her broomstick in the Season 3 premiere just in time to see an anti-missile test of the Viper vs. Martha go wrong.  Eva is known as “The Fixer” — a corporate maven and master manipulator. She’s got the power (from the Department of Defense), and she attempts to use it.  Her stated goal?  To make Global Dynamics pay for itself.  The only person Eva seems to have regard for is Stark, but even he isn’t falling for it…yet.  Allison, however, seems to be falling for him…again.

Eva is a bad ass, but I was disappointed with the two dimensional nature of her character.  Even when we discover that she has an agenda of her own, my first impression is that she’s boringly, unremittingly vile.  Sigh. I spent many years in corporate America working for people like that every day…do I really want to tune into Eureka and see the same thing?  Thus far, the writers have given Eva no finesse…all she needs is a Snidely Whiplash mustache!  Beverly, the Shrink Spy, was wicked…but she did it with horrific class.  Remember, Eva, “these things must be done delicately.”

Just first impressions.  I’ll wait to see what happens…

The brightest light in this episode is Martha. ” She” is an adolescent drone with an accelerated learning curve, and she’s almost downright lovable.  She bonds with Zoe, wreaks havoc, and in the end, comes home, just like Lassie.   Okay, maybe Martha’s bite is a little worse than her bark, but she means well.

All in all, not a bad opener for Season 3.  There was some resolution to “A Night at Global Dynamics.” I will be tuning in again and either documenting the demise or rise of another season of Eureka.

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Do You Want ‘Possums with That?

Having just returned from two weeks in splendid [self imposed] isolation, I’m tempted to declare that I was on a spiritual retreat, or writing the next Great American Novel.

The truth is that a dear friend of mine found herself in the dilemma of her adopted dad about to shuffle off this proverbial mortal coil(e), and her property caretaker unable to delay personal business.

I’d planned to write my next blog entry on Eureka at that time. I was instead thrust into a remote homestead in the Arkansas Ozarks, careening about spiraled mountain roads, channeling Shakespeare snippets. “Once more into the breach, dear friends!” Melodramatic? Perhaps. But it was, at least, a metaphorical breach.

Wrenched from the epitome of a relatively modern South Carolina dwelling into a land where the closest gas station was 10 miles distant, I was hauling firewood up a hill to stay warm. And I was in a quandary: How to get into Eureka mode? Even the Rube Goldberg style woodstove, reminiscent of some Eurekan failed experiments, didn’t inspire me.

Wild Pigs [sic] Couldn’t Drag Me Awayyyyy

Then it happened. I was hiking across a ridge with my digital camera and saw some strange tracks. I took photos of them that day, and matched some with online deer and wild pig tracks (duh, I was in razorback country), as well as a very large canine track. The next night, after an all day frog strangler complete with dense fog, something ran into the side of the house. The crowd of dogs in the kitchen went wild. All the miscellaneous tough outdoor cats that usually keep the outbuildings rat-free slept on the upper porch for several nights after that. Even the dog-sized opossums couldn’t have shaken the upper porch. Rumors abound of Ozark phenomenon. A thorough examination the next morning revealed no evidence. I never solved the mystery. Errant nearsighted wild pig? I found myself wondering, “WWTD?” (What Would Taggart Do?) And in that moment, I had the subject of this post on Eureka. James Taggart is Eureka’s resident “biological containment specialist.” Some have lovingly referred to him as Eureka’s dogcatcher. Indeed he does occasionally play dogcatcher, such as when LoJack — early described by Frewer as Taggart’s Moby Dick — is on the loose. He apparently doubles as the local veterinarian as well. When LoJack is injured, Taggart nurses him like a child.

Taggart, Man & Myth

But like many of the folks in Eureka, there’s more to Taggart than we see in any given episode. He’s another Global Dynamics mystery. He has an array of smart cages, weaponry, and yes, even “smart cheese to catch smart mice. Taggart is a man of many talents, notwithstanding his mediocre paintball playing. He’s like Tarzan with a larger vocabulary and less hair. Some have said that Taggart is just “useless comic relief.” Yet Taggart enacts a nearly archetypal Trickster role in Eureka.

He’s often portrayed as the Fool, the Coyote, the buffoon, however comic allusions to a darker side of his transformative nature are revealed in the webisodes of Hide and Seek, with his Bigfoot meets Jekyll & Hyde style “missing link” experiments. What is Taggart’s story?

He’s Too Sexy for his Shirt

Let’s face it; Taggart is also sexy in a romanticized Wild Man of Borneo style.

Of course, the “real” Wild Man of Borneo is actually an orangutan, mistaken by some for a wild jungle man. Taggart is no orangutan. He’s that wild guy who’s crazy and brilliant…the one you’d definitely want to take with you to the island on Survivor. My friend, Rinda, the anime queen, said, “I’ve always thought Taggart was crazy and oddly sexy but I’m attracted to the odd, crazy, violent and anti-social ones!” (Ed. Mature readers and fans of Bleach can confirm this by reading her Zaraki fanfic)

I’m not sure how I feel about that particular sentiment, but attraction to Taggart, like many other things in Eureka, is complicated. He can be the slightly scary storytelling uncle, as in the opening scenes of Phoenix Rising. Naturally, he then morphs into mad scientist mode with the “human bits” and the unidirectional particle emitter. He may even have a nuclear bomb. But we all have our faults. He loves animals, perhaps most especially cybernetic ones.

Sentiment for AI (artificial intelligence) may be genetic or behavioral. In my own case, just last month my elderly mother spent hours walking behind my IRobot made Roomba vacuum, encouraging it to greater suction and tenderly correcting it when it missed a spot. Ah well, Birds of a feather, as they say…

 Being a master plumber’s daughter, I was oddly fascinated with the Taggart and Jo during the H.O.U.S.E. Rules episode. Taking a seminal groping scene from a movie such as From Here to Eternity, and lampooning it in the bowels of SARAH’s bunker was en-grossing. My mind was a riot of wild sensory extrapolations right after Taggart said to Jo, “Good on ya, mate,” and I washed my hands with anti-bacterial soap as soon as the scene was over.

Last but not least, in his favor as a romantic barbarian sort, Taggart even cleans up fairly well, and he can dance. I ask you…What’s not to love?

Some have said that Taggart’s bad Aussie accent grates on the psyche. I don’t know, since nearly everyone where I come from has a bad accent of some description. One thing I can say with certainty:

James Taggart, aka the former Max Headroom, is always entertaining, if eccentric. He can p-p-p-p-ark his b-b-b-boots in my laboratory any time.

Shiny1 is sometimes known as Patricia deVarennes

: Max Headroom, Eureka, sci-fi, fan, Taggart, Matt Frewer

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I’m not a sports fan. That’s why I didn’t bother to watch the Super Bowl. I knew that I could see the cool commercials today. I kinda wish I’d watched it after seeing a couple of ‘em. Here are the ones I liked.

Iron Man

Iron Man – Paramount Pictures

I’m starting to change my mind about the Iron Man movie. I looks like it might actually be good. If he spends more time in the suit than he does as Tony Stark it could be great.

Leatherheads

Leatherheads – Universal Pictures

Looks like George Clooney is finally getting back to what he does best, comedy. Not just that, but period comedy like the best movie he ever made O Brother, Where Art Thou?.

Guess who else is going back to comedy after making some depressing crap…

You Don’t Mess With the Zohan

You Don’t Mess With the Zohan – Sony Pictures

Adam Sandler! Woooo! Goofy characters with weird accents. This could be the character he was born to play, or it could be crap. You can never tell with an Adam Sandler movie.

Oh, and speaking of movies you can’t tell about…

Jumper

Jumper – 20th Century Fox

Looks like they took Nightcrawler, from the X-Men, and made him less blue and fuzzy. Probably a lot less interesting too.

Other Commercials

If you want to see the rest of the commercials, including a couple more movies that look kinda crappy, then head over to the 2008 Commercial Bowl powered by Spike and iFilm.

: Super Bowl Commercials, Movies, Iron Man, Leatherheads, You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, Jumper, Video, George Clooney, Adam Sandler

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This could be bad news, but even bad news is great when it’s reported by Stephen Colbert.

: Video, Humor, Halloween, Pumpkin, Jack O Lantern, War, Stephen Colbert, Colbert Report

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Moist Von Lipwig makes money the old fashioned way, he prints it. Actually, printing money is a new idea in Ankh-Morpork. Moist is going to have a tough time convincing people that paper is worth it’s weight in gold. Especially when he has his Bank Director licking his face and the Assassins’s Guild looking over his shoulder. He’s already been hanged as a criminal once. What’s the worst that could happen?

The Story

Making Money continues the story of Moist Von Lipwig, formerly known as Arthur Spangler con man extraordinaire, introduced in Terry Pratchett’s book Going Postal. As the story opens Moist has the Post Office running like, well, a Post Office. Things are running as smoothly as they can for any public service. That’s a bit too smooth for Moist.

After living his life by relying on his wits any normal job, even one as respectable as Post Master, is just a bit too normal. Oh there are ways of keeping a hand in, like picking the occasional lock, but it’s just not enough. Even Extreme Sneezing doesn’t provide the edge of your seat, and possibly your life, thrill of his old career. The gods must have taken pity on him because he’s about to have all the thrills he can handle.

Through some very odd occurrences Moist becomes acting Director of the Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork. It seems like everyone is out to get him, even those that want him to succeed. It’s going to take every con man’s trick he knows, and he may have to invent a few as he goes along, just to stay alive.

My Recommendation

If you enjoy the Discworld books, be sure to pick this one up. I don’t know if it’s Terry Pratchett at his best, but it’s darn close. The hoops that Moist has to jump through in this book would make any stunt man cringe.

: Books, Humor, Fandoms, Discworld, Making Money, Going Postal, Terry Pratchett, Ankh-Morpork

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Coca Cola has set up a pretty interesting site to promote Coke zero. The “Life as it should be” campaign consists of some black and white videos. Not only that but you get to screw around with ‘em. It’ll give you a line, then you type in your response. Using text to speech you’ll hear your typed dialog spoken. When you have it set just right you can save it and share it with friends.

Of course you’ll be sharing it with more than your friends. Your videos will compete for ratings on the site. This will attract a lot of weirdos, like me.

I’ve tried it a few times. With a little imagination it can be pretty amusing. of course, this is the sort of thing I do anyway. I’m always filling in dialog when watching TV. That usually results in my g/f smacking me and telling me to shut up, so this is a bit safer.

You could do a Coke Zero ad I suppose. Just type in something like “Real taste, zero sugar” or something. What fun would that be? Probably not as much as some of the videos on there. There are a few good ones. I hope more people check it out, because if enough creative types make videos there should be some great ones soon.

: Internet, Fun Stuff, Humor, Coke Zero, Video

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Any large site you visit that allows commenting is bound to have a thread or two that looks like this. The one that it reminded me of the most was PVP, the webcomic by Scott Kurtz. Quite a few of the comment sections on his site are fairly similar. I’d like to imagine this is what meetings are like over at Mr. Kurtz’s office.

Check out more stuff like this at CollegeHumor.com.

: Humor, Video, Internet, Business Meeting, Office Humor, Internet Humor, PVP, Scott Kurtz

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I reached a fairly amusing milestone in my blogging efforts. 666 spam messages caught by Askimet. Here’s a picture.

A couple of spammy trackbacks have sneaked in the last couple days. It might be time to add another layer of anti-spam. I’m thinking about using the Bad Behavior plugin. Anyone used it? Is it as good as I’ve heard?

: FanaticSpace, Blogging, Spam, Askimet, Bad Behavior, Spam of the Beast, Humor, Internet

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It’s been very hard to avoid spoilers this time. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the last book in the series according to J.K. Rowling, is set to be released tonight at midnight. The witching hour is getting closer and avoiding spoilers for these last few hours is crucial.

Here are 7 steps to avoid spoilers.

1. Don’t answer the door.

Oh, they say they’re just Jehovah’s Witnesses, but they’re trying to ruin it for you. I’ve practiced a very effective karate chop to the throat for just such an occasion.

2. Talk to no one.

That means co-workers, friends or family. You never know who’s been on the Internet. Everyone is a possible source of unwanted information.

3. No radio.

Radio personalties get paid to be controversial. Careers could be made overnight if they let something slip.

4. No TV.

Especially the news. “Evening News” is a code phrase for spoiler factory. Stay away from it.

5. No Internet.

That’s where spoilers are born. Log out now for your own sake.

6. Read nothing.

No magazines, no letters and no e-mail. Nothing. Why are you still reading?!?

7. The most important step of all.

Snape is Harry’s father.

Aaaahhhh!

: Books, Harry Potter, Deathly Hallows, Harry Potter Book 7, Harry Potter Book Seven, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, J. K. Rowling, JK Rowling, J.K.R., JKR, Spoilers, Avoid Spoilers, Humor

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